The Great Silence
You know that moment late at night when it’s dark, and everyone else in the world seems to be asleep? You’ve doomscrolled on your phone so much that you’re just getting the same videos or random ads… and then your mind wanders to those big questions. What are you meant to do in life? Were there decisions in your past that could’ve taken you somewhere different? Or what great decision might be waiting for you tomorrow? All of those questions were flowing through my mind after college. My degree wasn’t all it was hyped up to be. I felt like I never got the chance to explore different majors or career paths, and I just didn’t like going to work every day. Changing careers ended up changing many, many aspects of my life to come. And who knows if I’ve made the right choices — but for now, it doesn’t feel wrong. I guess that’s a good indication?
Alright, enough generalization. Let’s get specific. Growing up in Rochester, NY, I was a summer camp counselor for a couple of years and a dance assistant teacher for five. I’d been working with kids my whole life, so I knew nothing else. The very naïve 17-year-old version of myself thought there were only a few main careers in life, and you just had to choose the one you liked best. Education, Medicine, and Technology were the three options I gave myself (not because anyone told me that specifically — it was just some standard I subconsciously set). So, I chose teaching. In 2021, I had my first professional teaching experience, and it just went downhill from there. I had such a passion for teaching — and still do — but there’s a lot happening in the education world that I didn’t care for and had no power to change. So, I left. Unhappy and confused, I landed a job in marketing — and that’s where my journey into photography began.
THE GREAT FEAR
After getting comfortable with graphic design, food, beverage, and product photography at my marketing job, I started to actually want to bring my work home with me. Which felt weird — because at my last job, I wanted to leave early and forget the day ever happened. Suddenly, I was noticing billboards and thinking, “I could probably recreate that in Illustrator.” Or staring at a magazine cover and wishing I could learn from whoever shot it. I wanted to take pictures of things and people — to capture moments — but I couldn’t quite define what I wanted. And the thought of saying, “Hi, I’m starting something. I don’t know what, but it’s something!” felt… cringey. Then there was the scenario. The one that played in my head on repeat:
Someone I went to high school with sees this social media page I've created. They click on it. There's not many posts. Less than 100 followers. They screenshot it and send it to a group of their friends and the text says "Lol, look. Another person doing a side hustle, how cute." And then everyone else in that group chat says the same thing.
I can’t tell you how many times that fake conversation stopped me before I even began. I don’t know why I cared so much — maybe because it’s easier to imagine people judging you than to risk finding out they’re not. The irony? All my real friends — even my former boss — were completely behind me. They told me I had an eye for this, that I should go for it. Still, I doubted it. I doubted me. Why would I be different from anyone else trying to make it in this industry? Maybe I wouldn’t be. Maybe I’d be average. But that wasn’t really the point. I’d been sitting on the idea for a year — paralyzed by the what-ifs. And, of course, I didn’t even own a camera. Kind of a major detail. So, I borrowed a (very, very old) one from a family member and asked a few people to do a photoshoot. That’s how the Danc’letics Editorial Photoshoot happened. People loved the images — told me to do more. I wanted to believe them, but part of me still thought they were just being nice. A few more shoots came and went, each one better than the last. Slowly, the doubt started to shift — not disappear, but quiet down. I found myself at a crossroads.
THE GREAT SHIFT
I had a portfolio set up in Canva, but it didn’t do my work justice. And at the time, I was in the middle of moving from New York to Florida, so my creative outlet had to wait its turn. Once I finally unpacked my camera and a little bit of courage, I started reaching out to local businesses — dozens of them — offering free photoshoots. My only request was that they tag me in their posts. It worked… kind of. They were tagging my personal Instagram. So anyone clicking over would have no clue if they were looking at a professional or personal account. For months, that thought circled in my head: “Should I just make a real page for this?” But then I’d fall into that same loop of wanting everything perfect first — logo, website, colors, story highlights — the full, flawless rollout. I was convincing myself I was “getting ready,” when really I was just stalling. And one day, mid-scroll, I realized it — I was back in The Great Silence. Doing all the busy work of preparing, but never actually starting. So, I stopped overthinking. I made the page. I posted the work I had. I attached this website link and hit “publish.” No grand plan, no announcement — just a quiet whatever, let’s see what happens.
THE GREAT PUBLICATION
Two local dance studios took me up on my free offer, and their sessions gave me the push I didn’t know I needed. For the first time, my photography lived somewhere outside my camera roll. People could see it — really see it. And it hit me: there’s no turning back now. Everyone from high school can see this page. Every post, every photo, every part of me that I’d second-guessed for months. But instead of panicking, I felt… proud. Maybe even confident. Maybe there is something here. Maybe I’m not so bad at this after all. I know I love photography. I know I love design. I love blending the two. And most importantly — I’m proud of what I’ve built so far, and excited for whatever comes next.
FOR THOSE STUCK IN BETWEEN
I hate to say it, but I don't have a magic potion to get you out from between scared and sure. I wish I had a quote or something that gave me an epiphany, and that I could pass that along to you. But, what I can say is that you're seen. Wherever you are at the moment is perfectly fine. Maybe my approach is walking with the fear rather than trying to conquer it. Between scared and sure is where Visuals By Becka Hutchins began, and I think I'll be just fine creating from where I am at this point.
If this hits home for you, you're probably my kind of people. Say "hi," I'd love to connect!
